Derek Bentleys Last Thoughts Essay Example

Derek Bentleys Last Thoughts Essay I dont believe this is happening to me! I have only one hour of my life left before my death sentence is carried out! None of this would have happened if I had not got involved with Chris Craig, and formed a friendship with him and his mates. They were a very bad influence on me. If Id never met Chris, what would I be doing now?Im outraged that I have received a much more serious, fatal sentence than Chris, who is serving only ten years in prison! Ten years only for murdering someone! It wasnt me who killed the cop, it was Chris! I never pulled the trigger! Im completely innocent of murder! As a result of my friendship with Chris, Im going to die in less than an hours time. Its all because of him!I mean, I didnt even try to run off when I had the chance. For goodness sake, it was I in fact that helped the cops catch Chris. I never meant shoot the cop Chris! when I said let him have it Chris! I meant let the cop have the gun Chris! Those stupid cops took the wrong meaning, and so now Im stuck here in here ready to die! I didnt like that judge either; I reckon he was biased. Hell find out sooner or later that he sentenced me for no reason, and so will others. I was treated very unfairly in that courtroom. Some people will pay for this! Oh yes, they will get hurt, just like theyve hurt me!Where did it all start? When did I make the mistakes that led me here? I remember, it was on the 2nd of November, when I went out and met Chris outside the sweetshop, along with Frank and Norman. I regret going out that night now. I should have stayed home with my family. I should have listened to my parents.I can recall Chris, his gang and me all talking; then Frank and Norman left. Chris and I then caught a bus to Croydon. On the bus, he handed me a knife and a knuckle-duster, which I never even used! I wasnt planning on using them either! I should not have accepted them from Chris. I should have said no right then. I guess I was under peer pressure then. I remember Chris carry ing a revolver and a sheath knife. We got off the bus at West Croydon station. Chris intention that night was to rob a butchers shop, and if need be, use the lethal weapons. That was the purpose of him carrying them. We went down Tamworth Road. As we saw a light and heard sounds inside the shop, we had a change of plan, and so went away. This time we were headed for a sweet shop. I can remember that I was still looking inside the shop to see if anyone was there, while Chris had already climbed over the 6ft iron-gate. I should have not gone up with him. It was my last possible chance to escape from this fatal plan, and I unfortunately blew it! I should have realised there would be consequences like this maybe, and also that there could have been witnesses such as the Wares, watching. I was caught red-handed!I dont want to die; I still have lots to live for. Im only 19 years old for Christs sake! People these days should show some mercy! Not even a quarter of my life has passed yet! M y life has definitely gone to waste. Im dying for no reason! I wonder how it feels whilst being hung and dying?! Will it hurt? What happens afterwards? Will I be sent to Heaven or Hell, or is there no such place? How long will it take for me to die? Im not frightened of death at all. Just nervous and curious. Id told dad that too. The time seems to pass so fast! Only forty-five minutes to go now!I wonder what the hell Chris is doing now? What does he think of all this? Whether he is regretting everything? Whether hes thinking about me, and what Im doing? And what about his family? His parents? Do they care as much about Chris as mine do for me? What do they think about me? Do they realise or even care that my sentence is unfair? Do they know and care that Im dying because of him?! I do hope they realise that it should be Chris who is sentenced to death instead of me! It should be him being hung in less than forty minutes from now!I wouldnt want to be Chris. Id prefer to be myself an d die rather than be him. I would hate to live with a guilty conscience, knowing someones dead because of a crime that Id committed. I would simply hate to live a life like that! The clocks ticking fast. Im living my last half hour.Ill certainly miss my family. I want to be with them now, and see them again. Im more anxious about leaving them more than anything else. Id do anything and give away every possession I have just so that I could live to see and be with my family. I hope they clear my name. I really do. How do they feel about his situation that Im in now? Are they petrified? Worried? Nervous? Angry? Are they thinking anything at all?I would like to wish them good luck for everything in the future. I want to thank mum and dad for raising me, and Iris for supporting me and being a great sister throughout my life. I hope my younger brother listens to mum and dad and does what hes told. I wouldnt like to think that he grows up to be someone like me! A betrayer to my parents, b ut most of all a traitor to the family name. I know I have made a bad impression and have been a bad influence on my younger brother, but I hope he learns from it; Ive, without doubt, learnt from my mistakes in the past, and I know I cans redeem myself now as its too late; but my younger brother can still fulfil mum and dads wishes by becoming good and by doing as hes told.At least all is not lost for my parents. As a result of me not listening to mum and dad, look how Ive ended up! I am so repentant and most of all ashamed of myself! I would have liked to be someone everyone younger could look up to, not like this! Not a criminal! Im sure mum and dad would have wanted that as well; some sort of role model, as it were. I do hope indeed that they forgive me for everything bad Ive committed.Anyway, I want my family to keep their chin up, and to look after each other, and all the animals in the house. I wish I could tell them this myself in person, and also that I LOVE YOU ALL! Thank y ou all ever so much for what youve done for me. Youve all always been there for me, especially for when I needed you.In the end, I reckon the truth will eventually come out. Justice will prevail. People will know I am not the bad guy. JUST FIFTEEN MINUTES TO GO! Only just fifteen minutes left of my wasted life!Im more fearful of how my family will be treated after Ive been hanged. Thinking of what position my family will be in actually makes me terrified. Think about how people will treat them. Will they feel sorry for them because of my loss? Will they be spiteful and malicious towards them? How will people remember me? A fully-fledged criminal or an innocent 19 year old who was wrongly accused of murder and therefore hung?I believe the guards are coming in now. I can hear their footsteps. Shall I wait for them to enter? Shall I plan to retaliate as soon as they come in? Oh, what shall I do?! I think Ill wait. Im waiting for death. Mum, dad, please forgive me! God, please forgive m y sins. Im extremely remorseful for anything I have done that goes against your will. Oh God, theyre here! I dont know what to do! They are getting me up. Its all happening too fast! Its very hard for me to think this, but I am in fact breathing my last few breaths now! I dont believe this is happening! NO!They are treating me very roughly. I wonder what was in that drink they gave me. It didnt taste nice at all. Theyre taking me somewhere. I can see the very last thing that will ever touch my throat. The guard just said it wont hurt. Ill take his word; at least it will clam me down a little.Daylights gone. I shall never see light again. This is the last time Ill ever see the world. Im in complete darkness now. This is it. I feel my legs tightening ever so hard. OUCH! Now I can hear the loud noises of chains rattling. This is the first time Im actually feeling horrified since I was sentenced. I want to panic, but I cannot go anywhere. I want my mum. I want her to hug me one last tim e. I want to hold my family and kiss them all goodbye. I can hear my heart pounding violently. God save me! Goodbye Derek..